just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
