is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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