she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Acid is not a monday night drug
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
