4 words: hood of his car
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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