meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
