He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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