So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
