If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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