I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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