The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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