I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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