I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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