I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
where are my eyebrows?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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