When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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