I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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