I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
