His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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