i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
