I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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