he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
