I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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