he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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