We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
