Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
