U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
