"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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