There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
