he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
