The best revenge is premature balding
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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