Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
