I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
