it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize