is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
