Soap is not a condiment
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
