Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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