I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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