I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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