Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
