So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize