Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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