He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Floor bacon is actually really good
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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