You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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