Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
