yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
