I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
