Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
