If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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