just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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