So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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