I think my vagina is haunted
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you traded sex for a burrito?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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