the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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