franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
