Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
