they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
