singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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