FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
