The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
