Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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