He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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