My room smells like vodka and shame
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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