She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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