you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
