Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
