I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
