i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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