Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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